I enjoy watching Survivor. When the first season of Australian Survivor aired this year, my partner and I watched it religiously (unless I was so tired I fell asleep on the couch).
I am so glad Kristie won. She was kind of awesome. She was an introvert, she wasn’t in an alliance, she never really had friends. She made what appeared to be stupid decisions when it came to voting. Yet she won.
I remember she said a few times on the show “Be yourself, back yourself”. Kristie, I want your self-confidence.
Self confidence and doubts are issue I have had during certain times and related to certain aspects of my life. I had confidence issues when it came to teaching. I have it now with blogging too. My main concern at the moment is that I have so much doubt when it comes to parenting and making decisions.
I am nurturing. I am capable of rational thought and logical reasoning. I understand every baby is different and that you should do what is right for you. My partner is very supportive and agrees with 99% of my parenting ideas. I have no real reason to doubt my capability and decision-making as a parent.
Yet I do. My anxiety is high, my confidence is low. I bet a lot of new parents are going through the same thing. Bub is almost five months old and I was hoping I would be slightly over it by now.
I think one reason that might cause this lack of confidence is how readily available information is at the moment. We can google anything in a flash. Instead of thinking for yourself, someone on the internet can think for you. You can find a website that supports your ideas and you can find a website that doesn’t support them. There is a lot of conflicting information.
I am lucky that thanks to my scientific background I can work out the difference between reliable sources and anecdotal evidence. Even with reliable information it is still information overload. A friend in my mother’s group told me a while ago “I just stopped looking up things”. She stopped, I didn’t. Look at me now.
Social media is another reason I blame for some of my doubt. If we didn’t have it we would all be sitting at home, blissfully unaware of what all the other parents were doing with their babies. I see a photo someone posts when their baby rolls and I think “Bub hasn’t rolled, she is a month older. Am I giving enough tummy time?”. I see someone posting about their baby eating solids for the first time and I think “That baby looks happy, should I be starting solids too?” These parents don’t mean any harm when they post these photos. They are not trying to make me doubt myself. They are just sharing an awesome moment because they are proud and it is better to focus on the positives. I would do it too.
It is not just photos, it is all the articles people like and share, the comments on those articles. The ‘media’ articles and even blog posts. (I AM THE CULPRIT!)
I know the simple answer. Switch off.
I often think about switching off but now I am publishing it. I need to be accountable otherwise nothing much changes.
I am going to attempt to reduce my worry and over thinking. I am going to stop looking up parenting advice on the internet. I am going to switch off more often from social media. (I am on it so much that anything is an improvement.) Most importantly, I am going to adopt Kristie’s mantra and apply it to parenting.
Be yourself, back yourself.
I might need to say those words to myself again and again until they sink in. Let’s hope my brain eventually gets the message.
I want Bub to be confident so having a confident Mum might help with that.
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